Stop Idiocy

And he would have gotten away with it, if not for his Twitter addiction!

Recently, several media outlets reported that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security had begun monitoring social media websites such as Facebook and Twitter. The FBI is also in the process of developing its own internet monitoring platform.

This week, we got one of our first looks at the level of security that we can expect thanks to this type of government internet monitoring.

Earlier this month, Homeland Security agents spotted a message on Twitter written by UK resident Leigh Van Bryan to one of his friends that read: “free this week for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America?” Another of Van Bryan’s tweets read: “3 weeks today, we’re totally in LA pissing people off on Hollywood Blvd and diggin’ Marilyn Monroe up!” Based on these messages, DHS agents flagged Van Bryan as a threat.

When Van Bryan arrived at Los Angeles International airport with pal Emily Bunting this week, Homeland Security agents were waiting for them.

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Oklahoma Senator Ralph Shortey introduced a bill yesterday that seeks to ban the use of aborted human fetuses in food.

You’re probably thinking: “That’s disgusting and outrageous — I had no idea that aborted human fetuses were being used in my food!” You can rest easy, because Sen. Shortey said that he isn’t actually aware of any companies that are currently engaged in such a practice. Neither is the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, according to FDA spokesperson Pat El-Hinnawy. Tony Lauinger, the director of Oklahoma for Life (one of Oklahoma’s most aggressive anti-abortion groups) also stated that he had never heard of such a thing.

Everyone, including Senator Shortey, seems to be in agreement that nobody is putting human fetuses into our food. So why is the senator trying to introduce new legislation to combat a practice that doesn’t exist?

Apparently, Shortey read something on the internet that convinced him such a measure was necessary. You know… just in case a company might be considering it.

Seen in a couple of my Facebook friends’ statuses today:

I like Dunkin’ Donuts as much as the next guy, but can we please stop propagating obvious scams like this one? What is it about the prospect of free stuff that turns otherwise intelligent people into complete morons?

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Chris Dodd, the head of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), is threatening to cut off bribes campaign donations to lawmakers who refuse to support anti-piracy legislation. In the wake of faltering support for SOPA & PIPA, Dodd issued the following statement on Fox News:

“Those who count on quote ‘Hollywood’ for support need to understand that this industry is watching very carefully who’s going to stand up for them when their job is at stake. Don’t ask me to write a check for you when you think your job is at risk and then don’t pay any attention to me when my job is at stake,”

In other words, “push these bills through and we’ll throw you a bundle of money.”

I’m sure that most of us assumed that this was how the legislative process worked in America, but it is somewhat surreal to see Dodd be so blunt about it.

Police in New Jersey are investigating a wireless router after receiving a complaint that it was broadcasting a racist and anti-Semitic network name.

A mother was watching her 3-year-old daughter attend a dance class at a recreation center in Teaneck when she noticed the offensive WiFi name appear on her iPhone. The mother immediately complained to employees, who in turn called the police. Responding police were able to locate the router inside the rec center.

Township Police Chief Robert Wilson stated that the incident is being investigated as a “possible bias crime.”

The mother that initially noticed the signal commented that the person responsible “should see jail time” for the offense.

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Louisiana lawmaker Michael Williams is setting his sights on ridding our streets and public places of pajamas. Williams took up his crusade against this modern epidemic after witnessing a group of men at a Shreveport Walmart dressed in pajamas and house shoes. He is now pushing for an ordinance that will make it illegal to wear pajama pants in public.

Demonstrating his bulletproof logic, Williams stated “Pajamas are designed to be worn in the bedroom at night — if you can’t wear them at the Boardwalk or courthouse, why are you going to do it in a restaurant or in public?”

Shreveport already has a “no-sagging” law against wearing pants below the waist in public, so an ordinance against PJs should presumably fit right in.

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The answer is: "Are you insane?"

Teachers at an elementary school in Georgia are in hot water after assigning third-grade students math problems about slavery for homework.

An example math problem from the homework read: “If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?” Another question stated: “Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?”

In a surprise to exactly nobody, parents were outraged when they discovered the assignment.

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